Nov 25, 2010

If you want my professional opinion, stfu.

I've posted about my verbal diarrhea before (here), where I tell everyone everything about myself, no matter how inappropriate or mundane (no one cares about my ruined fruit cup).  Today I'd like to address another kind of diarrhea (also verbal, don't worry).  This kind of of verbal refuse is the unnecessary chatter about the job you've just finished doing for a client.  It's fine if you're talking to a friend about the job you just did, the challenges you had to overcome, etc "Hi Stan!  Printing your tote bags was really hard but I'm such a good printer that I managed to do it!"  But a client who is nothing more than a client doesn't need to hear about how, you know, the white layer went on so thick that the black layer on top couldnt' get down to the fabric around the edges, and so you had to print the black layer twice, and normally you would lose information doing that, but such is your skill and mastery of the squeegee that you maintained the subtle details, blahblahblah.

Clients do not want to hear this crap.  Especially if said client knows NOTHING about your craft (and why should they? That's why they hired you).  Do you want to hear the ins and outs of the complex back end programming of your online store?  Do you want your insurance underwriter to give you a play by play on how they wrote the policy on your car?  NO.  You want them to shut up and do their jobs.  Not only is it boring for someone to yammer on about something that you don't know anything about, it also makes you sound kinda desperate, like Gil from the Simpsons.  "Close the deal Gil, close the deal!"  Well, you already did close the deal.  So shut your trap and just let the client enjoy the work you've done without you cheapening it by talking about how you did it and how good you must be for getting the job done.