Do I have to fake it to make it?

Sometimes I wonder how certain people make it in this world at all, and how some people don't do as well despite their obvious talent.  I have one friend with tremendous skill as an artist, but never does as well as she wants to.  She has poor self esteem, and can't seem to realize how good her work actually is.  I have another friend who is totally mediocre at everything, and takes some of the most boring photos I've ever seen, yet somehow manages to succeed fantastically.  He thinks very highly of himself, and has unfounded confidence in spades.  Each one of them perceives themselves to be a certain way, (struggling artist, photographer extraordinaire) and then lives up to those perceptions.

I can't help but think that one's perception of one's self has great impact on how well one does in life.  "Thanks Captain Obvious!  We never knew that!" you're thinking.  I know, everyone has heard about how important confidence is.  But I'm talking about more than that (I think).  I had never really thought about it before until recently.  My crippling anxiety and persistent belief that my clients are going to be totally disappointed has brought to light how I really perceive myself, and let me tell you, it doesn't look good.  Yet, I've never had bad feedback from a client, people seem to be really happy with their finished products.   Yes, I have high standards for my work, but why do I feel I'm never meeting them?  Why can't I live up to my own expectations? 

I'm pretty sure the problem lies with a skewed perception of myself.  On paper I look successful.  I've illustrated 3 books, I run a small business which is doing well, I'm working on a line of baby stuff which people seem to like...but somewhere there is a disconnect.  The person I am doesn't seem to be the person I feel like.  I can't tell if I'm faking success, or if I really have it.  It's like a girl playing dress up in her mother's shoes.  At some point you're a woman in your own shoes, but it's hard to tell when you actually cross the line.

So how do I bridge the gap between perception and reality?  I'm sure some people would say "positive thought!  You just have to believe that you're totally awesome and rad, then everyone else will too!"  Somehow that doesn't seem based in reality.  If I'm perceived as awesome, it better be because I'm awesome, and not just a lot of hype (which I think is why my lame photo-friend does so well).  Positive thought is a step perhaps, but I don't think it's the solution.  Then I'm just shifting from one false perception (hack job) to another (Queen Awesome, best at everything ever).

I read an interesting thing once about how children percieve themselves based on how they're labeled, and how that subsequently impacts the way they live their lives.  If you label a child as smart (i.e. look at you Jimjam, you did that all by yourself, you're so smart!), they tend not to work as hard in life, because they feel they should inherently be able to do things without effort.  Label a child as a hard worker (i.e. look at you Dingdang, you did that all by yourself, you must have worked so hard!) and they will always try hard and strive to meet their goals, believing that their strength is in their persistence.

It makes me wonder what kind of label I've been working under all this time, and if perhaps I should self impose a new label to live up to, a new way to percieve myself.  "Hard working artistic genius" seems like a good one I think.  How does everyone else work on this, or am I the only one?

The daily grind.

As my spouse's parental leave creeps closer and closer to its end, I've been scrambling to get all the tips I can on working from home while caring for a child.  I know one thing is for certain, something has to change.  I spend a lot of my time with divided attention, trying to do 2 things at once and doing both poorly.  Like, I'll sit down to take care of some invoices and watch Myriam but end up half-assing both.  I give Myriam a pizza crust to distract her so I can focus on getting some work done, but all that happens is that I neglect my child while I play around on facebook.  I'm mom of the year.

In my quest for survival tips, I found some great advice in a somewhat surprising place.  My neighbour Topon is the founder, guitarist, manager, producer etc.etc.  for the internationally renowned grindcore band  Fuck the Facts, but he's also a work at home dad who runs a home recording studio.  I had no idea he was such a fountain of knowledge when it comes to working and parenting at the same time.  Apparently a week at home with his girlfriend back to work has made him some kind of guru.  

He was saying how he's had to really manage his time better, something I know I struggle with.  His big trick:  no internet until the evening.  What the WHAT?!  No Interwebs?  Sounds crazy, I know, but seriously, how much time gets wasted watching the latest kitty video and reading about the "6 Personality Quirks You Didn't Know Were Medical Conditions".  I do have to access my gmail account throughout the day for my business, but *my* tip is to put a shortcut to the email account on my desktop.  That way I just click on it and I'm in my inbox, there's less temptation to click all my other links, like facebook, hotmail, blogger, and google analytics (to see how many crazies are actually reading this).

The second piece of dad-ly advice I got from Topon is to really take advantage of your baby's down time.  When they go to sleep, start working right away.  The dishes can be done with a baby on your back, but anything that requires concentration should be started the second the baby closes her eyes.  If you even stop for a second to check the news, you know you're going to lose at least 20 minutes of productive time.

Even those brief periods of time when they play on their own should be used wisely.  No more laughing it up at MadTv clips with one eye on the baby.  I should be using that time to crochet, or photograph my stuff, or start setting up my catalogue.  I can do all those things while I make sure my baby doesn't attempt to find out what electricity tastes like.

It is really important to take care of pressing tasks as soon as you get a chance.  Babies are so unpredictable, you may not get another time during the day  For example, Mimi is sick today with a cold.  As a result she needs constant hugs and only took a 20 minute nap.  Guess how much stuff I can get done on days like that?  About as much as your grandmother the day after her hip replacement surgery.

So, awesome tips to recap: Manage your time by limiting distractions, taking advantage of every work opportunity, focus on the task at hand, and don't procrastinate.  Sounds easy enough, we'll see if I can follow my own advice on Monday when it's just us two. (you thought I was gonna say "Just the Two of Us", but you were wrong.)

SuperDad here even gets his baby in on the sweet grindcore action.

If you want to find out more about Topon and Fuck The Facts, you can check out their Facebook page and their Myspace page.

Hey man, can't be everybody's friend.

Anyone that knows me is probably aware that I am nice.  Really nice.  Too nice.  (For those of you that disagree, shut the F*@K up, you don't know anything anyways so your opinion is worth nothing).  I like to keep a cool head, and be kind and polite with everyone I deal with in life.  I like to write cheerful business emails in colloquial language to my suppliers, I like to be easy to deal with when something goes wrong (remember, I leave room for error so I don't have to panic and get nasty with people who let me down). 

A few days ago I posted about this stupid reject named C.Cassie who stole my American Apparel shirts because the illiterate freak from FedEx delivered them to the wrong address.  (here)  So I filed an inquiry with FedEx and I contacted American Apparel to see what they could do.  FedEx isn't really following up with me, and  American Apparel is now saying they don't want to reimburse me for the shirts because, and I quote "if no one was home when they delivered the package they would have sent it back to the depot".  Uhhh, are you STUPID?!  Someone was home.  C.CASSIE WAS HOME, but not at my home. 

The final verdict ?  "Since it was signed for and shows that it was shipped to the correct address; we cannot do anything for you."  Oh, but you CAN.  And you WILL.  Friends, for the first time in a LONG time, Ms. Nicol had to get nasty.  And not in a good way.  I pulled out all the stops.  I used power language, like "this is unacceptable" and "I'm not the one who screwed up in the first place" and "find a better solution" and "see you in HELLLLL!!" Ok, maybe not that last one, though I was tempted.  Instead of using phrases like "oopsie there was a mixy-doodle" I said "you got my order wrong".  My biggest hope in life right now is that the tone of my barely contained seething rage comes through in the email.

I even played the Mom card.  That's right, I'm fighting dirty!  I'm appealing to emotions, I'm bringing my personal life into my business and using it to make others feel guilty.  I know it's wrong, but it feels so right.  Shake and bake, that JUST happened.  For the first time, I didn't end my email with "thanks so much you rule call me every day your bestest friend ever, Jillian".   Seriously people, if I (a work at home MOM with a baby trying to scratch out a living in the dirt) have to foot the bill for the mistakes of FedEx (a massive empire,  complete with the ill fitting slogan "The world, on time", formerly "Relax, it's FedEx") I am going to seriously . lose . it .  What kind of world are we living in when poor mothers with barely a penny to their name are paying for the clear and obvious errors of multi million dollar companies? 

Anyway, it was a really hard email to write.  I wasn't all that mad when I had to  ask a supplier 3 times to please send me the correct equipment.  I'm not kidding about telling my sales reps that they rule.  I really do appreciate good service, and I really do understand that things go wrong sometimes.  I wasn't even furious that their screw up cost me a portion of my contract.  But this?  This is UNACCEPTABLE!!  And it's time I let them know!

Part 2 of the goal post.

So, to continue on with yesterday's post about goals, today I'm going to talk about some of my future goals.  I'm trying hard to focus on a small number of goals, and then once I reach them I can add more.  I have a bad habit of making way too many goals, and then not reaching ANY of them.

For starters, I'd like to increase my client base.  Specifically, I would like to get more graphic design companies in on the action.  So far, most of my clients have been friends and some bands we know.  This only provides me with a few jobs a month, and one cannot save for retirement on a few jobs a month.  My goal over the summer is to visit potential clients and let them know I exist.  Do you think that having a baby strapped to my back will inspire sympathy and get me more clients, or will it look unprofessional and make everyone think I'm a crazy hack job?

My second goal this summer, which is a really big one for me, is to design a few of my own shirts to retail.  This one scares me a little because of all that it involves:  investment of capitol, locating proper venues for my work, doing some designs that are marketable but not too mainstream that people will actually like and buy *gulp*.  There's also a lingering fear that the market is saturated with screen printed stuff, and I'm not sure I'm cool enough to produce designs that will rise to the top of the pile.  I guess we'll find out.

My third goal, which is kind of last on my list, is to try to promote my custom crochet work.  The opportunity to have a vendor's table at a festival at the end of the summer fell into my lap the other week, so I can't pass it up.  I've got to get some sample stock put together, possibly a catalogue, photograph all my items, have forms for custom orders, the list goes on.

I've got a busy summer of goal chasing ahead of me.  Lots of organizing, promoting myself *shudder*, and drawing *woo!!*.  I've also got some secret long term goals, but it'll be a while before I can talk about those.  It may be 10 or 15 years before I actually see them come to light, but at least I know I'm on the path.  That's the great thing about goals, you can have some short term easy to achieve goals to make you feel like less of a shit sack, and long term goals that give you something to really work for and feel accomplished when you do achieve them.  Whether it takes you 1 year or 20, the important thing is that you're working toward something that's important to you. If you've got the time, I'd love to hear about your goals.

There's a goal in the bucket dear Liza.

Now that I'm not feeding a baby every 45 minutes, and I'm not up half the night (only a quarter of it) it's time to get serious about my business, and there's nothing more serious than a list.  Unless it's a funny list, although even then it can be seriously funny. To make my serious lists businessy, I'm going to make them about business goals.  The first list is about the goals I've achieved so far this year, and the second list (which I will post tomorrow or the next day) will be about the goals I'm going to try to reach in the second half of the year.  Ready, set, GO(al).

Achievement number one this year, I got business cards printed.  FINALLY.  It was getting pretty unprofessional to potential clients who would be all "oh cool you have a business.  Do you have a card?" and I would be all "no."  Thanks to my rad spouse who designed them for me, I now have a sweet piece of card I can hand out to the many people who ask for them.

The second goal I've accomplished this year was that I hassled my spouse to get an electrician over to install a new outlet so I could have my conveyor dryer on site.  Not having to drive across town to cure my shirts has really increased my productivity!  It also forced me to clean up and rearrange my studio *again*, but it's so functional now and easy to move around in.  I can actually sew and draw and do a jig in there if I want.

The third goal I've accomplished (maybe it's actually the first, since Sebastien really did the first 2) is that I got equipment to do large prints.  It was a bit of a learning curve at first, and I discovered that I either have to stand on a platform or wear platform high heeled shoes to be able to reach the bottom of the screen.  Unfortunately I don't have a platform, so I've been sporting some pretty fancy shoes with my jogging pants at 10:00 a.m. while printing.

These are some pretty sweet things that have happened this year, but I have a LOT left to do.  Some of it is gonna be fun, some of it is NOT gonna be fun.  Stay tuned for part 2 of serious business lists: future goals.

Always leave room for error. ALWAYS.

I'm a reasonably time efficient person.  Over the years I've learned that there are some things you really shouldn't leave to the last minute.  Start working on school projects a few weeks in advance.  Don't wait until the night before an exam to study for it.  Don't wax your back the day before a big date (in case you get a rash).  You get the idea.  The same goes for my work.  I ask for at least 2 weeks between the time that an order is placed with me (and shirts get ordered THAT day, or first thing in the morning if the order was placed after business hours) and the deadline for the shirts to be finished.  That gives me 2 days to prep my screens and get ready to print before the shirts arrive, and then I have at least 10 days usually to get the shirts printed.  Because I work this way, people almost always get their shirts earlier than expected.  I get it done in case another order comes in.  I like to keep a clear plate, you know?

Now, I understand that not everyone is going to be able to give me 2 weeks notice.  Sometimes there are rush jobs, and that's fine.  This week I had a job like that.  A large order (over 200 shirts) was placed on a Friday and the deadline was the following Thursday, effectively giving me a 3 business day turnover time.  That means the shirts were shipped on Friday, but then didn't move over the weekend, then Monday was a frickin' holiday, so the shirts didn't even arrive until Tuesday.  That is NOT a lot of room for error. Also, Murphy's Law must be obeyed so of course the shipment was wrong.  The wrong amount of the wrong size kid's shirts were sent (luckily the bulk of the order was correct) so I had to return the shirts, and they sent out a new shipment. 

I did get these beauties printed though.  

It's now Friday and my shirts still aren't here.  The deadline has come and gone.  My screen is still up and inked and waiting to go.  Around lunchtime I started to worry, as the last shipment only took 24 hours and was here at 10 in the morning.  When I finally got hold of the supplier for the tracking number, I discovered that some asshole named "C. Cassie" had received and signed for my shirts.  Um, WHAT? 

The event that the shirts are for is OVER on Sunday, so there is no more time to ship me new shirts, since it's already Friday.  Plus, some jackass is enjoying 24 kid's shirts on my tab.  C.Cassie better watch their self.  They'll get more than a back-waxing if I ever get hold of them.  The worst part is that this all looks really bad on me, though I did warn the client that I couldn't guarantee his shirts on such short notice.  This is why I have my 2 week turnover time.  It allows me to make a promise to my client, and to keep that promise.  I've never not come through in time, and whether it is or isn't my fault (for the record it's isn't) the fact remains that my client didn't get what they wanted.  I cannot convey my disappointment and aggravation at this fact.  Why did C.Cassie sign for a package that was not intended for C.Cassie?  Can I sue C.Cassie for taking my mail?  That's a crime, right?  Arrgh.

I haven't really got a closing solution or gem of wisdom to end this post.  I will say this though, always give yourself enough time to do a job twice, in case you screw it the first time.  I will also say that C.Cassie is in for a world of pain, providing I ever find out who it is....

It's a Mom-lemma.

The slow moving change of my life is about to get another jolt, and I am nervous.  I've been a work at home mom since my baby was 6 weeks old, but up until now I've had my spouse home to share the domestic and child care duties.  This allowed me to get lots of work done during the day and not have to worry if my 6 month old was upstairs lighting fires or eating paint.  However, as of June 6th, the man is going back to work and the woman (me, I'm a woman) is staying home to hold down the fort, mind the youngster, AND run a business.

I thought I was going to have it made when my neighbour, a stay at home dad who has a child the same age as mine, suggested we team up.  I was all "shit yea, son, let's do it up", until I  heard what he had in mind for the division of labour.  He would be "taking care" of all the hanging out, sleeping in, and playing video games, while I took over all the mom duties. Needless to say, I think I can manage without the "help".

I think what's going to happen is that I'll be doing a lot of evening and weekend work, while taking care of Mimi during the day.  Sure I can do the odd thing like invoicing, ordering stock and supplies, printing transparencies etc. while Myriam is chilling next to me.  But the more time sensitive tasks (like exposing and coating screens) or the tasks that require a substantial chunk of time (printing 300 shirts, for example) can not be done while tending to a small child.  

Even a baby this cute throws fits and needs her mom sometimes.

A friend of mine is a graphic designer with 2 kids, and she has someone come to her home to babysit the youngest while the oldest is in daycare.  That way she can be productive for 2 or 3 hours during the day and not have to scamper away to work the second her husband gets home. I'd love to do the same, but other than my sister in law  (who may or may not have the time to come) I don't really know anybody who can help out! 

I've got a mom-lemma...or I'm a dilem-mom...or I make really terrible jokes.  At least I've got a hierarchy of stuff in my life which removes the burden of choice. I can't choose between making a deadline or taking care of my baby. Even when she has boogs in her nose and inflicts grievous bodily harm (her nails are sharp!) she's still going to be more important than my work.  Alternatively, my work is going to take precedence over my sleep, but sleep is usually more important than eating, or at least eating healthy.  Seriously, when you're up early every morning, what would you rather do at night when you finish work:  take an hour to prepare a healthy meal, then have to spend another 20 or 30 minutes eating said meal, or cram some chips in your face and then crawl into bed and pass out?

I guess I'll have to start getting even more creative with my time management.  I just thought of my first time saver!  I'll eat the chips IN bed!  If anyone has any other helpful short cuts like that, do me a solid and send them my way.  I'll be sure to share all mine with you!